Mother Who Plans To Marry Herself
A 58-year-old mother who plans to marry herself says she has all the qualities. She felt “undatable” because of her borderline personality disorder and now plans to marry herself after realising she already possesses all the qualities she seeks in a partner including an “amazing sex life”.
Lydia York, a freelance writer from Wheaton, Maryland, US, was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) – a disorder of mood and how a person interacts with others – in 2021 and said it explained why she was finding dating so difficult.
In romantic relationships, she often found herself getting easily upset and feared being abandoned – and on top of this, she has anxiety and, therefore, struggles to go to social settings to meet potential matches.
But she believes her BPD diagnosis made her “more self-accepting” and she began to realise she has all the qualities she looks for in a partner, such as being trustworthy, loyal and intelligent.
At the start of 2024, she received countless emails about weddings, mistakenly addressed to her after someone with the same name used her email at a wedding fair – and she saw this as a sign and decided to start planning a solo wedding.
She no longer has to look for a partner
Lydia, a mother to two grown-up children whom she does not wish to name, hopes to have a “traditional ceremony, just without a groom” and believes she should not miss out on her dream wedding just because she has not found a partner.
“I feel so much more at ease and more confident knowing that I’m not going to be looking for a partner and it completely takes that stress away,” Lydia told PA Real Life.
“I have everything I want in a partner, and I’ve always wanted to get married, so why should I deprive myself of a wedding day?
“I’m going to get myself a big fat diamond ring and I want it to be a family heirloom that can be passed down – to me, this is not a joke, it is severe.
“I want my children to be able to explain to their kids that I committed to myself in later life.
“I have written the vows in my head – you’ve been so strong, you’ve helped me when I’m down, you’ve helped me up.”
In 2021, Lydia was diagnosed with BPD by her therapist, which she said made “total sense”, especially when looking back on her previous romantic relationships.
Lydia thinks she should not have to miss out on her dream wedding
She thinks that, because of her BPD, she is more likely to get upset, it takes her longer to “get over a disagreement”, and it is the reason why she has a “fear of abandonment”.
On top of this, Lydia finds dating difficult because she has anxiety, especially when going to crowded places such as bars, and she describes herself as very introverted.
To try to work around this, she began online dating in 2022 but she was “rejected” after telling someone about her BPD.
Lydia was diagnosed with BPD in 2021
She said: “He hung up on me I think because of the stigma with people with BPD – people think we’re undatable and they just assume we’re crazy.”
Lydia then began to get “very disappointed and frustrated” that she had not found her perfect match, and at the beginning of 2024, she came across the idea of self-marriage by accident.
Out of the blue, she was inundated with emails about engagement rings, flower arrangements and wedding dresses.
Confused, she contacted the businesses, and it turned out that someone with the same name as she had written down her email address by accident when at a wedding fair.
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